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Cool Christmas gifts, funny Christmas gifts. Or just take the advice of Bill Murray in "Scrooged": "Towel, towel, towel."

Vendor sez "Cheerful couple ushers in the holiday season in festive red velvet outfits." We say: Creepy dead smiles from red zombie dolls would give you bad dreams if they were any larger than the 9" that they come in. details

Ornaments of the "50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong" and "Elvis Christmas Album" album covers play "Blue Christmas" and "Here Comes Santa Claus." details

Have a confusing holiday! details

3.5" wide and cut from recycled motherboards. details

Not available in any Hallmark store. (It's actually called "Yule Doo," but we have to draw the line with bad puns somewhere.) Comes with a red and green satin ribbon to hang from. Unscented. details

This 16" chimp comes with outfits for Christmas, Halloween, July 4th, a sign that says "Welcome to Our Jungle" (great if you actually live in a jungle), and "wacky wooden signs with hilarious sayings." details

If your chairs get cold at Christmas time and you're an Elvis fan, this is just the thing for you. Velvet, felt, faux fur, it's all there. details

Santa apparently just wrote his name in the snow, and it's not quite the same shade of yellow as his beer. details

Warm thoughts for the holidays... are bad for snowmen! They do make for funny wrapping paper. details

Not a Christmas tree ornament; a Christmas tree pornament! Other available pornaments made us blush: Santa getting laid, and reindeer, snowmen (or rather, a snowman and a snow woman), and gingerbread people all doing it doggy style. details

With this clever costume, people will mistake your auto for a reindeer. Complete with red nose. details

You control the speed of the scanning eyes, whether they're red or blue, and whether it makes a creepy sound. (See excellent video.) details

It's so amusing because "ho" is popular slang for "whore." details

Remember Pop Rocks? I'll bet you don't remember candy cane flavored Pop Rocks. details

A bit past our limit for warm fuzziness, but any product with the word "pathetic" in its name deserves to be on hipstergifts. details

The Santa doll sings the classic Christmas song along with additional sound effects, while jerking his head around with a manic stare. If you don't believe us, try YouTube. details

These detailed, Christmas-themed jelly candy Simpson-kabobs are over nine inches long and look pretty tasty. details

We're at a loss for words with this one. Just look at the picture. details

Wrapping paper for the geek in your life: equations, binary, Christmasbots, and more. details

When you want a cold one but baby it's cold outside, this is just the thing to keep your drinking hand warm. details

So much more convenient than a real tree, or even than most fake trees. Also available in a two foot version. details

Now that it's the 21st century, it's time to give up on Christmas carols and just use these. Vendor sez: "An easy to assemble good starter kit for new electronic enthusiasts. It plays three famous melodies using the CMOS LSI chip UM66 which incorporates a 64-note ROM memory." Yeah baby! details

Basically, Christmas carols as burps and farts, with titles like "Jingle Belch" and "The 12 Days of Sickness." details

It's the 12 shots of Christmas! Each features a different holiday image such as Santa, a Candy Cane, Rudolph, etc. Make sure to make lots of knowing references to holiday "spirits" and Christmas "cheer." details